Hoop Mom: Talking to Dad

In her fifth column for HoopGurlz.com, Teresa Wippel tackles the issue of talking to Dad when Dad is the coach.

I'm an eighth grader, going to high school in a couple of months, and I play basketball year round. I'm very good at offense and making things happen, but when it comes to defense I'm OK – I'm not that bad that I don’t know what I'm doing. All of my coaches put pressure on me, and one of my coaches is my dad. He constantly tells me how I should do this and that. It’s not that I want special treatment or anything, but I think he's TOO hard on me. When he tells me, I just sit there and take it and feel bad and angry. What should I do?

California

---

Dear California:

It’s not always easy being a coach’s daughter. Parent coaches sometimes are harder on their own kids because they don’t want anyone to think they are playing favorites. They forget that their own daughters need the same compliments and positive feedback that they give to the other players on the team.

I think it’s time for you to have an honest talk with your dad. Tell him that you appreciate his efforts to improve your basketball skills, but that you feel he doesn’t always treat you fairly.

Some parents don’t realize that they are being too harsh – they simply have high expectations and forget that they may be hurting their child’s feelings. And some kids who normally appreciate constructive feedback just feel worse when the criticism is coming from their own parent.

Chances are, your dad started coaching your team so he could spend more time with you. If your dad knows that you are feeling bad, he may have one of the other coaches provide regular feedback on your performance so that both of you can enjoy your time together.

If you aren’t comfortable talking with your dad about this, it may be easier for you to approach another adult first – like your mom or another coach – and ask them to help you figure out the best way to approach the situation.

Hoop Mom

---

Teresa Wippel is team manager of the Warriors Basketball Club, a 5th Grade girls' team from the Seattle area, and mom to Warriors post player Amanda Waldron. In her other life, she is a freelance writer and editor. To ask Teresa a question, email her at

---

More Dear Hoop Mom:
Hoop Mom on Starting Select Ball
Hoop Mom on Subbing for Coach's Daughter
Hoop Mom on Subbing for Injuries
Hoop Mom on Sleepovers