Hoop Mom: Commitment to Team

In her sixth column for HoopGurlz.com, Teresa Wippel tackles the issue of different levels of family commitment on a team.

My daughter plays on a high-caliber AAU team. At the beginning of the season, we acquired two new players who in my opinion are proving to be both a benefit and a detriment to our team. These girls do have some talent, but the players and their parents don’t seem to have the same level of commitment as the rest of the families on our team. They miss practices and games because of family vacations or to attend a social function. We have a core group of players who almost never miss a practice or game, and have really made many sacrifices to play on this team. I believe it is hampering the ability of the team to reach its potential, because the newer players just aren’t around as often to learn and practice plays and improve their skills. I’d appreciate any advice you can give.

Wondering What’s Fair?

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Dear Wondering::

Playing select sports is such a balancing act for young girls and their families. And when your daughter has to make hard decisions, like skipping a birthday party to attend basketball practice, it definitely raises a question of fairness when other players don’t seem willing to do the same.

I think you should talk with your coach and express your frustration, as he or she may not be aware of how you are feeling. Ask the coach if there is a policy in place to deal with players who miss practices and/or games regularly – many coaches will reduce playing time as a disciplinary measure. It is really the coach’s call to determine how missed practices are handled, but you certainly should ask the question – and maybe suggest that a written policy be issued, so that everyone is informed.

It may also be helpful for you, as a veteran team parent, to communicate directly with the parents of the new players about the commitment level that everyone is trying to meet. I’m not suggesting that you be confrontational about this – rather that you offer support and encouragement, such as, “The other girls were so disappointed that Anne wasn’t at practice Tuesday. They were really looking forward to helping her learn that new play. I know that we have this big tournament coming up, so if you need help with transportation to practice, let me know.”

You and your daughter have invested a lot of time (and money) in her basketball experience, and you have the right to expect fair treatment. But in the end, if the trend of missed practices continues, it still may come down to the coach making some tough decisions, including removing the player or players from the team.

Hoop Mom

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Teresa Wippel is team manager of the Warriors Basketball Club, a 5th Grade girls' team from the Seattle area, and mom to Warriors post player Amanda Waldron. In her other life, she is a freelance writer and editor. To ask Teresa a question, email her at

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More Dear Hoop Mom:
Hoop Mom on Talking to Coach Dad
Hoop Mom on Starting Select Ball
Hoop Mom on Subbing for Coach's Daughter
Hoop Mom on Subbing for Injuries
Hoop Mom on Sleepovers