Hoop Mom: Welcome Mat?

This week, Teresa offers her take on whether to welcome back a player who left a team on which she played for three years but suddenly left.

Last spring, a girl left our team after playing with us for three years. She was a solid player and well liked by her teammates. Her parents told me that she was moving to another team because she didn’t feel challenged enough and wanted a higher level of competition. But I have always suspected that her parents made the final decision to pull her from the team, as it was rather sudden – we didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye to her. We recently heard from an outside source that she is unhappy with her new team and misses playing with us. Should I approach the parents and let them know she is welcome to return? (I have had no communication with them since our player left.) Or should I wait for them to approach me? We have added another player but still have room for one more on the roster.

Wondering Coach

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Dear Coach:

Parents and/or players sometimes make the decision to switch teams because the grass looks greener on the other side – the coach of the other team makes promises about national competition, exposure, college scholarships and more. But often, those promises fall through and the player soon discovers the reality of the situation: She doesn’t like her coach, for example, or her new teammates are unfriendly.

The important question is, why are you asking the player back? Do you need her to round out your roster skill-wise, or would she add an element that is now missing from your team dynamic?

Some girls have such upbeat personalities and a passion for the game that they light a fire under a team. You can always tell when those sparkplugs are missing – the team moves a bit slower or doesn’t play with the same intensity. Or maybe your ex-player has a skill set that you really weren’t able to duplicate with your new recruit or that your existing players can’t match.

If either or both of those reasons cover your situation, I’d say, give the girl’s parents a call and ask if they are interested in having a talk about returning. The worst they can say is no. They may at least consider it, or they may instantly accept. (There’s a chance that they wanted to contact you but were too embarrassed to do so, given the sudden departure.)

But don’t forget there could be a downside to welcoming back your former player, especially if you do it for the wrong reasons – for example, if you feel sorry for her but really don’t have a place for her skills on the team. You also need to make sure that you resolve any animosity between yourself and the parents. Have a sincere talk with them and make sure they are comfortable with your coaching and the team’s direction – and that YOU are comfortable having them back – before you make a final decision.

Hoop Mom

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Teresa Wippel is team manager of the Warriors Basketball Club, a 6th Grade girls' team from the Seattle area, and mom to Warriors post player Amanda Waldron. In her other life, she is a freelance writer and editor. To ask Teresa a question, email her at

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