Hoop Mom: Bad Blood

This week, Teresa takes on the delicate issue of having issues with another team.

We had a bad experience with the coach of another team last year. He spread serious allegations regarding the behavior of our parents that were absolutely untrue and generally tried to discredit our team. As a result, the parents of his team started making comments to our parents, and it was unpleasant for all of us. The team is very competitive, talent-wise, but out of principle we don’t want to play them again. How would you suggest we handle this situation?

Once is Enough

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Dear Once:

This is a sticky situation that is not easily handled, and is another example of what happens when misbehaving adults take all the fun out of youth sports.

A few coaches out there are so competitive that they cross the line, ethically, in order to advance their coaching reputation and/or the reputation of their team. This can take many forms, ranging from subtle belittling of other teams and coaches, to full-blown exaggeration or lying to advance their agenda.

Only you know how bad this situation really is. If you believe that the coach’s behavior may repeat itself, or that there is so much bad blood that the parents can’t be in the same gym together, I would avoid competition with that team if at all possible. I’ve known of other coaches in similar situations who have refused to play certain teams, making that clear upfront when they register for tournaments that they will play elsewhere if that team is involved.

The downside of all of this, of course, is that you may be depriving your kids of some great competition because of adult issues. But sometimes you have to take a stand and let your principles guide you, no matter what the outcome. And if you do decide to purposely avoid this team, I would make it clear to your players why you are doing so. It’s another one of those life lessons that can be found in sports, and that young athletes should learn from.

Hoop Mom

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Teresa Wippel is team manager of the Warriors Basketball Club, a 6th Grade girls' team from the Seattle area, and mom to Warriors post player Amanda Waldron. In her other life, she is a freelance writer and editor. To ask Teresa a question, email her at

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