Hoop Mom: Two-Timers

Teresa advises a team manager who recently released two players who simultaneously played for another team - without clearance.

I am a team manager of two basketball teams that are just starting to build their programs. When we had our first parent meeting, we stated the importance – both verbally and in writing – of dedication and loyalty, and that includes playing exclusively on our team. We have very small rosters – no more than eight players.

We have two sisters on our teams and several weeks ago my coaches noticed that they were distracted, lethargic, unenthusiastic and not nearly as productive as they had been. We soon discovered that both girls had been playing on other teams in addition to ours. The older girl told us she had to leave in the middle of one of our games to play for the other team, and did so even when her coach told her she could not. Her younger sister called in sick and we discovered later she was also playing for someone else.

The parents never once called or emailed or spoke to our coach about their girls joining another team. Last night my coach and I called the parents together to tell them that we no longer wanted their daughters on our team – that they made their choice and that they had lost our trust. The parents begged us for another chance and promised that it would never happen again. They really tried to make us feel bad and they complimented us as well.

In running two teams, I certainly expect these kinds of things to happen. What I didn't expect was the compliments and the begging. I thought they would agree that the other team was better for their daughters. Did we do the right thing in letting these girls go? What is your opinion of the situation?

Thank you for your advice.

Totally Frustrated

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Dear Frustrated:

Youth sports are supposed to be a learning experience, and one of life’s hardest lessons is accepting the consequences for your actions. It’s a lesson that these girls and their parents needed to learn, and they may think twice about this type of behavior next time around. Your story should serve as a reinforcement to other team managers and coaches about the importance of putting everything in writing and being clear about expectations up front. That way, rule violations are obvious and the consequences should come as no surprise to anyone.

I suppose you could have given these girls a second chance, but think about the message it would have sent to the other members of your team: That rules are meant to be broken, it’s OK to abandon your team in the middle of a game and that dishonesty is no big deal.

It comes down to this: Many teams "look the other way" when it comes to rule violations because they don’t want to be inconvenienced by fewer players or don’t feel comfortable with confrontation. Congratulations for taking a stand and sticking to it.

Hoop Mom

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Teresa Wippel is team manager of the Warriors Basketball Club, a 6th Grade girls' team from the Seattle area, and mom to Warriors post player Amanda Waldron. In her other life, she is a freelance writer and editor. To ask Teresa a question, email her at

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