Hoop Mom: Destroying Hearts

Teresa counsels a mother whose select-team coach admits, on the eve of a big tournament, that he has been trying to get her daughter to quit the team.

Last night my daughter simply told her AAU coach after the game that she didn't know what was going on with her playing time – if he didn't think she could play or if he just didn't like her. And if he would put her in a game for more than two minutes, she would prove to him what she could do.

He threw up his hands and told her she was not going to rain on his parade and that he was finished with her and not to come to the next game. He never told her why he doesn't play her.

What he told me and my husband was shocking. He told us that he was trying to get her to quit all summer. But that she just won't quit.

She just wants to play basketball and to play in college is her dream – besides being a high school math teacher and girls basketball coach. Even though she doesn't play much, she is still getting letters and emails from colleges. So I know she must be a good player.

I have received emails from colleges that have told me they will be at her tournament this weekend and at BCI Nationals to see her play.

Please help us. I have seen five or six girls come and go on this team and now he is picking on her. I just need to know what to do to help my daughter and to stop him from destroying these young 17-year-olds’ hearts.

KF

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Dear KF:

There is nothing wrong with a player talking to her coach about playing time. It's part of the maturation process for young athletes to learn how to approach their coaches and talk about individual goals and what they need to work on. His response is unacceptable, and is a clear example of a coach abusing his power.

My advice is simple: Find another team for your daughter as soon as possible! If you live in a small community and his is the only team in town for girls her age, research teams in other cities or regions. Many teams add players for summer viewing tournaments and national events, and it's likely you could find another team for your daughter to join, at least temporarily. Even if it involves a few hours of travel time for practices and/or games, it will be worth your peace of mind -- and hers.

As for stopping the coach "from destroying young 17-year-olds’ hearts," if other parents are willing to allow their daughters to play for him, there is nothing you can do -- unless there is documented evidence of physical abuse that can be reported to local authorities. Your goal should be to take care of your own daughter, and make sure she has every opportunity to realize her dream of playing college basketball.



Hoop Mom

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Teresa Wippel has been involved with select basketball for a number of years and is mom to post player Amanda Waldron. In her other life, she is a freelance writer and editor. To ask Teresa a question, email her at

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