Hoop Mom: Recruiting Quandary

Teresa offers counsel on recruiting to parents who are distrustful of their daughter's high-school coach.

My daughter is going into her junior year at one of the top-rated high schools in the area. Last summer, we decided to let her play with an "elite" club team rather than her previous local team, coached by her high school coach. When the coach learned of our decision, the coach was very upset and said some very negative and nasty things about my daughter.

Later that summer, the coach called to see how things were going. The conversations with the coach have been cordial ever since, but the coach never apologized for what was said. We didn’t share the coach's comments with our daughter, and she really loves the school and is doing well academically.

Here’s my question: My daughter has received letters from dozens of Division I schools and some communicate weekly. We are concerned about the high school coach harboring grudges and wonder if the coach should communicate with the colleges. Should we communicate with the colleges directly, or should we work through the high school coach and hope the coach will do the right thing?

Concerned Parent

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Dear Concerned:

It’s time to bring an important person into this conversation: your daughter. As a junior in high school, she should be involved in setting the course for her future, and that includes learning the details about her high school coach. You don’t have to repeat everything the coach said, but she should know that the coach said negative things about her. During that conversation, the three of you should set a course of action for dealing with college coaches who contact her.

The fact is, you can’t stop college recruiters from talking to the high school coach. If the high school coach is from a well-known program, though, chance are that many of the recruiters are already aware of his reputation – and will take any negative comments with a grain of salt. If your daughter has talent, the recruiters will try to develop a complete picture of her skills from many sources.

It seems logical that you should also contact the coach of the other club team that your daughter played for and ask his or her advice on how to best handle the situation. Coaches generally talk to – and about – each other and they know when there’s a bad apple in the group. Make sure to include this other coach as a reference on your daughter’s recruiting applications, if he or she is willing to be listed.

One other piece of advice: The worst thing you can do, as parents, is make direct contact with college coaches yourselves. It is critical that your daughter be the one writing the letters and emails and returning the phone calls. The recruiting process is a tremendous learning experience for young athletes, and it teaches them lifelong lessons in dealing with success and frustration in an adult way.

Hoop Mom

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Teresa Wippel has been involved with select basketball for a number of years and is mom to post player Amanda Waldron. In her other life, she is a freelance writer and editor. To ask Teresa a question, email her at

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