Hoop Mom: Holiday Tug-of-War

Hoop Mom offers advice on dealing with the demands of team vs. the demands of family during holidays.

Our teenager is on the high-school team. The coach has mandatory practices over (a long holiday) weekend every day except (two). We want to take our teen to visit grandparents several hundred miles away. We only see them once or twice a year, due to distance. We last saw them this past summer and have not been there for Thanksgiving or Christmas for three years. However, that will cause four missed practices.

Help! I am torn over what to do: Allow teen to stay home and not see the grandparents (they are around 80 years of age!) to practice basketball or skip basketball for family.

Wondering

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Dear Wondering:

This is a tough question that many families grapple with, especially basketball families because the high school season generally falls during the winter holiday months.

It's my opinion that family time is very important. But I also respect the needs of the coach: He or she has a short amount of time to get the team into shape for the season, and when exceptions are granted to miss "mandatory" practices, they aren't mandatory any more. The bottom line is this: When a player signs up for a sport, his or her parents are usually aware of the season-long time commitments involved. Kids who play spring sports generally can't take a spring break trip with the family. If they play basketball, holiday celebrations are usually held at home.

You didn't say how your teen was feeling about this. Does she want to make the trip, or would she rather practice with team? If she has a strong desire to visit her grandparents, I would leave it up to her to decide whether to make her case to the coach and ask to be excused from practice. She is the one who will be subjected to reduced playing time or whatever other sanctions the coach imposes for missing practice.

Hope this helps.

Hoop Mom

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Teresa Wippel has been involved with select basketball for a number of years and is mom to post player Amanda Waldron. In her other life, she is a freelance writer and editor. To ask Teresa a question, email her at

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