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| Hoop Mom: Coach's Daughter
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 My daughter is making the best of an awkward situation that continues to hamper the spirits of many girls on her Traveling League team. Our coach declined to have a team meeting with parents at the start of the year and instead sent an email telling us that he would communicate verbally only through the players. The girls were told that practice is optional but that those who do attend will get better and will play more.
So far this season, our coach’s daughter, who plays on our team, has missed two-thirds of the team practices and one-third of the games because she’s involved in a premier soccer team and a higher-level AAU basketball team. Although the coach has only started his daughter once this year, she plays more minutes in the games than the other girls when she attends. Our team record is 30-8 and only two of the losses occurred when the coach’s daughter was absent. Other players lead the team in scoring and rebounding averages. When the parents make any attempt to rationally discuss the situation, the coach says we are being negative. The only response we’ve received has been, “I am the coach. I make the decisions.” I feel the coach is using our team to supplement his daughter’s playing time and has less concern for the other members of our team. This has made for a very long basketball season. As we prepare for the last weekend of the season, I find myself wondering, “When is it proper for parents to question the actions of the coach?” Frustrated Dear Frustrated: Parents who also coach have one of the toughest volunteer jobs around! We’ve all heard about teams where the coach’s kid gets the majority of playing time, regardless of skill. It’s natural (not right, but natural) for parents to be biased about their child’s talents and to also feel selfish if they are devoting numerous volunteer hours to coaching. After all, shouldn’t they be able to play their child more as a reward for all the time spent at practices and games? On the flip side, some coaches are so worried about appearing to playing favorites that they are harder on their own kids’ performance, criticizing them more and playing them less, which leads to resentment and hard feelings between parent and child. It takes an excellent coach who can step back and objectively analyze the strengths and weaknesses of all the players – including his or her own daughter. It helps if there is more than one coach (a head coach plus assistants) so they can provide an effective check-and-balance system for analyzing individual player performance and setting and enforcing playing time rules. But it appears that the bigger problem here is the lack of communication between the coach and parents. In theory, coaches should have the final word about team policies and procedures. But in reality, no one can operate in a vacuum. Coaches who declare, “I am the coach and I make the rules,” when parents express dissatisfaction are fueling the fire of that negativity and are also eroding team morale. Every coach should start the season with a clear written policy, distributed to both parents and players, outlining the team’s “rules of the road” – for example, when it is acceptable to miss practice, how behavior problems are handled, what happens if a girl plays on more than one team. The coach should invite continual feedback – verbal and written – from the parents about what going right and what could be better. Assistant coaches should also check in with parents from time to time, in case someone feels uncomfortable about expressing a concern directly to the head coach. (This can be helpful when a complaint involves the coach’s child.) If your coach doesn’t have this policy, request that he or she implement one before the beginning of your new season. If the coach is unwilling to do so, it’s probably time to find a new team. Finally, remember that this “open door” policy swings both ways. If a coach solicits regular feedback, it’s important that parents make an effort to communicate directly with him or her instead of complaining among themselves in the stands. Hoop Mom Teresa Wippel is team manager of the Warriors Basketball Club, a 5th Grade girls' team from the Seattle area, and mom to Warriors post player Amanda Waldron. In her other life, she is a freelance writer and editor. To ask Teresa a question, email her at teresawippel@attbi.com Hoop Mom on Subbing for Injuries Hoop Mom on Sleepovers Story URL: http://girlshoops.scout.com/2/96970.html Copyright © 2006 HSGirlsHoops.com | ||
